So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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