This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize