I heard we made out
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I came so hard my ears popped.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
