I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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