I love black thongs
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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