Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
