Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
