I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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