Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
