somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
