from now on my penis is your penis
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
