i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
