my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's blow job season.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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