i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize