Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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