When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
