Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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