Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
