dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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