In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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