We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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