And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he shaved USA in his pubs
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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