we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
