I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
