I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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