Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize