Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your penis caused this!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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