The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
