Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
