bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize