did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
