Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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