I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
