You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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