I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
