Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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