i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
