If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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