True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
