chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
