I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
