If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize