hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
