And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize