worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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