You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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