she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
