Jerry, you need to find god
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize