i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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