I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
