just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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