I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
