I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
