He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
