i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
