So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
