Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
