yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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