Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
