I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
