if i can run in heels then i can drive
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You made out with two different species that night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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