i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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