ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You were trust falling into bushes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
