Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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