i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
