chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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