I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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