Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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