dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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