Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
