I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
