Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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