just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
