How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
