Can Purell be used as lube?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize