My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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