she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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