I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
