Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
