The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
