Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
