Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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