Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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