so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize