my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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