did you get engaged???
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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