shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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